Mentally Strong People: The 13 Things They Avoid
Editors’ Note: Following the huge popularity of this post, article source Amy Morin has authored a Dec. 3 guest post on exercises to increase mental strength here. Cheryl Conner has also interviewed Amy Morin in a Forbes video chat that expands on this article here.
For all the time executives spend concerned about physical strength and health, when it comes down to it, mental strength can mean even more. Particularly for entrepreneurs, numerous articles talk about critical characteristics of mental strength—tenacity, “grit,” optimism, and an unfailing ability as Forbes contributor David Williams says, to “fail up.”
However, we can also define mental strength by identifying the things mentally strong individuals don’t do. Over the weekend, I was impressed by this list compiled by Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker, that she shared in LifeHack. It impressed me enough I’d also like to share her list here along with my thoughts on how each of these items is particularly applicable to entrepreneurs.
1. Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves. You don’t see mentally strong people feeling sorry for their circumstances or dwelling on the way they’ve been mistreated. They have learned to take responsibility for their actions and outcomes, and they have an inherent understanding of the fact that frequently life is not fair. They are able to emerge from trying circumstances with self-awareness and gratitude for the lessons learned. When a situation turns out badly, they respond with phrases such as “Oh, well.” Or perhaps simply, “Next!”
2. Give Away Their Power. Mentally strong people avoid giving others the power to make them feel inferior or bad. They understand they are in control of their actions and emotions. They know their strength is in their ability to manage the way they respond.
3. Shy Away from Change. Mentally strong people embrace change and they welcome challenge. Their biggest “fear,” if they have one, is not of the unknown, but of becoming complacent and stagnant. An environment of change and even uncertainty can energize a mentally strong person and bring out their best.
4. Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control. Mentally strong people don’t complain (much) about bad traffic, lost luggage, or especially about other people, as they recognize that all of these factors are generally beyond their control. In a bad situation, they recognize that the one thing they can always control is their own response and attitude, and they use these attributes well.
5. Worry About Pleasing Others. Know any people pleasers? Or, conversely, people who go out of their way to dis-please others as a way of reinforcing an image of strength? Neither position is a good one. A mentally strong person strives to be kind and fair and to please others where appropriate, but is unafraid to speak up. They are able to withstand the possibility that someone will get upset and will navigate the situation, wherever possible, with grace.
6. Fear Taking Calculated Risks. A mentally strong person is willing to take calculated risks. This is a different thing entirely than jumping headlong into foolish risks. But with mental strength, an individual can weigh the risks and benefits thoroughly, and will fully assess the potential downsides and even the worst-case scenarios before they take action.
7. Dwell on the Past. There is strength in acknowledging the past and especially in acknowledging the things learned from past experiences—but a mentally strong person is able to avoid miring their mental energy in past disappointments or in fantasies of the “glory days” gone by. They invest the majority of their energy in creating an optimal present and future.
8. Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over. We all know the definition of insanity, right? It’s when we take the same actions again and again while hoping for a different and better outcome than we’ve gotten before. A mentally strong person accepts full responsibility for past behavior and is willing to learn from mistakes. Research shows that the ability to be self-reflective in an accurate and productive way is one of the greatest strengths of spectacularly successful executives and entrepreneurs.
9. Resent Other People’s Success. It takes strength of character to feel genuine joy and excitement for other people’s success. Mentally strong people have this ability. They don’t become jealous or resentful when others succeed (although they may take close notes on what the individual did well). They are willing to work hard for their own chances at success, without relying on shortcuts.
10. Give Up After Failure. Every failure is a chance to improve. Even the greatest entrepreneurs are willing to admit that their early efforts invariably brought many failures. Mentally strong people are willing to fail again and again, if necessary, as long as the learning experience from every “failure” can bring them closer to their ultimate goals.
11. Fear Alone Time. Mentally strong people enjoy and even treasure the time they spend alone. They use their downtime to reflect, to plan, and to be productive. Most importantly, they don’t depend on others to shore up their happiness and moods. They can be happy with others, and they can also be happy alone.
12. Feel the World Owes Them Anything. Particularly in the current economy, executives and employees at every level are gaining the realization that the world does not owe them a salary, a benefits package and a comfortable life, regardless of their preparation and schooling. Mentally strong people enter the world prepared to work and succeed on their merits, at every stage of the game.
13. Expect Immediate Results. Whether it’s a workout plan, a nutritional regimen, or starting a business, mentally strong people are “in it for the long haul”. They know better than to expect immediate results. They apply their energy and time in measured doses and they celebrate each milestone and increment of success on the way. They have “staying power.” And they understand that genuine changes take time. Do you have mental strength? Are there elements on this list you need more of? With thanks to Amy Morin, I would like to reinforce my own abilities further in each of these areas today. How about you?
Cheryl Snapp Conner is a frequent speaker and author on reputation and thought leadership. You can subscribe to her team’s bi-weekly newsletter, The Snappington Post, here.
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去年十一月，富比士雜誌（Forbes）網站專欄作者康諾（Cheryl Conner），結合了心理治療師莫林（Amy Morin）的文章，以及自己的想法，列出了心智堅強的人會避免的十三件事。
結果這篇文章受到廣大迴響，至今瀏覽人次超過八百七十萬，而且還在不斷增加當中。
這篇文章指出，心智堅強的人會避免以下十三件事：
1.浪費時間在自憐上。心智堅強的人會為自己的行為與結果負責。他們知道人生很多時候是不公平的。如果事情沒有好結果，他們的回應是：「哦！好吧！」或者「該往前看了。」
2.放掉手中握有的權力。心智堅強的人能夠避免讓別人有造成自己負面情緒的能力。他們知道，自己的行為與情緒都在他們的掌控之中，也知道自己的長處在於，有能力管理自己回應外界的方式。
3.逃避改變。心智堅強的人歡迎改變，他們最大的恐懼不是「未知」，而是「自滿」與「停滯」。處在必須改變，甚至不確定性的環境，可以激勵他們展現出最好的一面。
4.浪費心神在無法控制的事物上。心智堅強的人不大抱怨塞車、轉機時遺失行李、其他人。因為一般而言，這些都不是他們所能控制的。面對糟糕的情況時，他們知道自己永遠能夠控制的，是他們的反應與態度。
5.擔心如何取悅他人。有些人很希望別人喜歡自己，有些人則很喜歡弄得別人不開心，藉此證明他們比別人強。以上兩種情況都不理想。心智堅強的人努力做到友善與公平，該取悅他人的時候取悅他人，同時不害怕在該發表意見的時候發表意見，不擔心有人可能因此不開心。
6.害怕冒評估過的風險。心智堅強的人願意冒評估過的風險，這跟隨便冒險完全不同。他們完整評估好處與壞處，在採取行動之前，已經了解最糟的可能結果。
7.活在過去。承認過去，尤其是從過去學到教訓，都需要勇氣。心智堅強的人有能力不陷入過去的失望，或者老提當年勇，他們把大部份的精神用在創造理想的現在與未來。
8.重複犯相同的錯誤。心智堅強的人對自己過去的行為負起完全的責任，而且願意從錯誤中學習。研究顯示，成功高階主管最大的優點之一，是他們可以用正確又有建設性的方式，進行自我反省。
9.不喜歡看到別人成功。心智堅強的人不僅不愛嫉妒，反而會觀察別人之所以成功的原因。他們願意辛苦努力獲取也能成功的機會。
10.失敗就放棄。每個失敗都是改進的機會。心智堅強的人在必要時願意一再失敗，只要每次的學習都可以讓他們更接近最終的目標。
11.害怕獨處時光。心智堅強的人享受，甚至珍惜獨處時光，善用此時光反省、計畫和執行。更重要的是，他們的快樂不依賴在別人身上，跟大家在一起時可以快樂，自己一個人也可以快樂。
12.覺得世界虧欠自己。尤其處於現在的景氣，心智堅強的人不會覺得全世界都欠他們，他們喜歡靠自己。
13.立即想看到成果。無論是新的運動計畫、要吃得更健康，還是創立一家公司，心智堅強的人知道，真正的改變需要時間。
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哪種男人會有錢？7條件教妳挑男友！
像選股票一樣選男友，妳也有機會像普莉希拉．陳（左）一樣，交到像臉書創辦人祖克伯（右）這樣的男友！
「麻雀變鳳凰」只是童話故事，不是每個人都有機會遇見「高富帥」，但是如果妳用挑選股票的眼光，而不光靠直覺去挑選男友，那麼妳將有機會選到未來的比爾蓋茨或是祖克柏。
看看妳的男朋友是否具備以下特質：
1.充分知道自己擅長什麼。知道自己擅長什麼是創造財富的第一步，不論是保姆、園藝、烘焙或任何技能，只有知道自己擅長什麼，才有辦法加以磨練進而換取財富。
2.懂得自律。能夠專注於未來設定的目標，不受日常生活干擾而有所動搖，那他將有機會成功。
3.嚴以律己，寬以待人。他認為犯錯的永遠是自己而不是別人。這聽起來很自虐，但這也表示他知道只有自己才是那個能掌握環境、決策和未來的人。
4.絕不入不敷出。如果妳的他是個月光族，那他永遠沒有可能致富。節儉代表他想存錢，而不是屈服於短暫的快感，把錢砸在跑車、名表等奢侈品上。
5.他是個行動家。他不會喋喋不休地說一大堆，他只是真正地起而行，不埋怨，做就對了。
6.充滿好奇心。他會去探究事情為什麼成功或為什麼失敗。對於不熟悉的事物抱持熱情，總有一天會讓他碰到機會，把自己的好點子發揮出來。
7.臉皮夠厚。這不是說他是個厚顏無恥的人，而是說他充滿無比毅力，就像孫中山推動革命10次失敗還是不放棄，終究會有成功的一天。
如同大家都知道的那句話：「投資都會有風險」。在投資市場中，你有可能會輸，有可能會贏，但記住：要贏就要贏大的。
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兩個學生每周偷溜進教室，做出一件件美好的事 http://onefunnyjoke.com/2014/05/13/%E5%93%A5%E5%80%AB%E6%AF%94%E4%BA%9E%E5%A4%A7%E5%AD%B8%E7%9A%84%E9%BB%91%E6%9D%BF%E7%95%AB/
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